What is childhood trauma? Well according to The National Institute of Mental Health (USA) it is defined as:
"The experience of an event by a child that is emotionally painful or distressful, which often results in lasting mental and physical effects."
I know for me personally I never thought I suffered from childhood trauma... I mean it just sounds extremely intense, CHILDHOOD TRAUMA! I assumed that this meant you needed to experience something intensely traumatic, like a loved one dying or witnessing physical abuse in the household, but it turns out I was wrong. What opened my eyes up to this was an amazing book called 'Anxiety: Expert advice from a neurotic shrink who's lived with it all his life" by Dr Mark Cross. This book highlights some of the causes of anxiety and methods of treatment, but that's not what I want to talk about because that is a whole other topic that needs its own post. In chapter two, 'Peeling the Onion' Mark touches on the topic of childhood trauma and it really allowed me to see this topic from a new perspective. In this it highlights that verbal abuse can manifest various phycological problems and behaviours. With this new found information, what seemed like a normal way to be raised suddenly started to break away from my perception of my own childhood.
As a result of growing up in a house hold where screaming, yelling, and cussing was frequent events to me it seemed like a standard way to raise children, a type of parenting method if I dare say. For you to understand better I will give you some background details on my childhood that might help you understand your own better or just read something that you are able to relate to. In the first six years of my childhood it seemed normal, happy family of four! Mum, Dad, my brother and I, your stereotypical suburban family, from the outside we were perfect. Unfortunately around the age of six my parents divorced, and because I was so young it was easy for me to adjust to such a huge shift in my family... at least I thought so. So that ticks of the first emotional impact on my childhood, I do remember crying a lot and thinking it was my fault, big responsibility for a small child to feel as though they need to take on, traumatic some might even say. Moving on to the rest of the years leading up to high school my parents still got along and their relationship was very on and off, but Dad always lived in a separate home, us kids stayed with Mum. Now this is where I believe some more issues came into play. Mum always suffered from severe depression, sadly being young that was way to big of a concept to grasp so Mum's erratic behaviour I assumed to be normal for an adult. My Mum had what I would call outbursts, moments when controlling her emotions was not even an option, so that meant she also had no control over what she said or did. What I now realise to be a traumatic event was witnessing my Mum's first ever suicidal attempt. I believe I was around the age of 9 and was walking into the kitchen to find empty packets if pills. I don't really know how, but I immediately understood what this meant. Running into my Mum's room I found her lying on her bed crying, and when she seen me she began to frantically apologies. Panicking, I didn't know what to do, I just told her it was going to be ok and that I would fix it. Running into my brother in the loungeroom I explained to him what was happening but he didn't care, back then he was always dosed up on Ritalin for his ADHD which really effect his way of thinking. So my next thought was to call my Nan, which she then called mt Aunties and they came over home and helped her get it up and out of her system and call an ambulance. Now looking back at this moment in my life, this was definitely traumatic for a child of that age and I would never wish it on anyone.
Every little girl had those little moments of bickering with their Mother, not seeing eye to eye on some topics, but ours were intense. It would also start of like any regular argument and then it was like all she could see was read and I was in the firing line. One of my earliest memories of us arguing was when I was around the age of 11, the topic that caused the fight that I cant remember but what she said I would never forget. This wasn't my first time being sworn at but this particular choice of word was the first and thankfully the last she ever used it against me. This moment for me was definitely traumatic because it's something that no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to forget. Now that I have dumped some of my personal story on to you, you ,might be thinking 'wow, this chick has experienced some crazy stuff', but I have very close friends who have gone through worse and also don't consider themselves to fall into the category of childhood trauma.
It's sad to think that in this day and age when we are becoming more open to mental health disorders, that something like childhood trauma isn't something we talk about more. It's sad that people who have stories like mine are made to believe by society that this is simply normal and that you should "just get over it". This is something I believe we need to be more open about and when we are comfortable share our stories so that we can realise that we aren't alone. I don't want you to finish reading this and feel sorry for me or even yourself, we own out childhood trauma it doesn't own us. I have grown up to be an very compassionate individual, although a few issues here and there, I believe I became a better person because of what I experienced as a child. As the next generations of parents, let's work harder to make sure our children don't feel this way or grow up to say they have childhood trauma.
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